Outside looking in, on a New Year

outside looking in on a new year
Current mood: accomplished

new years resolutions....these are the things we try to change or create going into a new year...a quick scan of our hard drives looking for files that are missing or "corrupted"....on new years eve i found myself being introspective, well as best i could considering i was drinking....

i thought, what do i want to change..what is "wrong" with me or not "good enough" should i do a reformat of my hard drive?...do i have defragemented hopes dreams and goals i need to get back in order? that i need to set a day to have it all fixed. i think in some peoples eyes this is how we are conditioned to look at ourselves on a day like new years. after the short moment of thinking like that, i reconfirmed the fact that i see things a little different than that. im 31, ive been atleast somewhat conscious of the world around me for quite some time. my friends, we'll call them "the fellowship of the fling" for all intensive purposes, are pretty sharp cats who like me dont act their age, in a good way.

A tiger cannot change its stripes...a phrase i have come to appreciate tremendously. what an absolute idea. if you are something with predisposed traits and inherant "markings", then you will always be that, atleast at the core or surface, depending on how deep you are i guess. in a good way, i think we are all tigers with stripes. we cannot remove them but through "grooming" and "training" we can look at those stripes and feel different about them.

Victor Frankl who was a prisoner in nazi germany learned to adapt to his agonizing world. he chose to process the pain and punishment he was recieving in an amazing way by saying to himself, "i choose how i feel, ultimately, regardless of what is put upon me. my stripes wont change, but how i see and feel them will. (check out his book, -Mans search for meaning-http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/frankl.html-) no one, not even myself, can change me. i am JJ and always will be.and like ourselves, the world is the tiger and the people its stripes. what im getting at is if the majority of the people in your life love and respect you, and you feel "whole" or feel as if you represent yourself in a way you believe then what is there to fix?. saving more money to buy the car you want is a new years resolution. quitting smoking or drinking less(both of which i should consider ;).

life has a funny way of putting things in your path to overcome and to grow from. life puts nothing in your path you cannot overcome. ive come to realize that all the shit i went through growing up, was the exact recipe needed to make me who i am today. and im proud. if you can learn to look at your stripes differently, then everything does change. its all about how you process it. my new years resolutions are:


swear less(when applicable)
smoke less cigs
hit the gym
see my grandma more
laugh more..wait..might not be possible
listen to the advice i give
finish my album
visit jamaica again
buy a condo
and most importantly....continue to treat people as i would want to be treated...respect....happy new year!!!!!